May 9, 2025
Celebrating Mother's Day: Building Lifelong Connections With Adult Children
Send us a text This was our very first Mother''s Day episode. I interview my two favorite moms -- Doria and Sharon, two mothers of adult daughters and now both have several grandchildren. I watch as they continue to share with their grandchildren their magical parenting skills. They share with us their wisdom on creating joyful, respectful relationships with grown children in this special Mother's Day episode. Their insights reveal how bringing a spirit of fun, maintaining connect...
This was our very first Mother''s Day episode. I interview my two favorite moms -- Doria and Sharon, two mothers of adult daughters and now both have several grandchildren. I watch as they continue to share with their grandchildren their magical parenting skills.
They share with us their wisdom on creating joyful, respectful relationships with grown children in this special Mother's Day episode. Their insights reveal how bringing a spirit of fun, maintaining connections across distances, and knowing when to offer advice (and when to bite your tongue) creates lasting bonds that evolve beautifully over time.
• Creating fun, joyful experiences forms lasting connections that continue into adulthood
• Modern technology like WhatsApp enables daily connection even with children living far away
• The best conversations focus on daily life details rather than major decisions or judgment
• Offering opinions rather than judgments by asking "What do you think?" after sharing your perspective
• Shifting from leader to supporter as children become adults requires patience and trust
• Wedding planning requires openness, support, and recognition that it's their special day
• Grandparenting brings immense joy while requiring respect for the new parents' choices
• The most important message to consistently convey is unconditional love and acceptance
• Our hearts remain our children's home no matter where we all physically live
Huge thank you to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.
Also remember to follow us on
Facebook
and
Instagram.
And once again, with just a donation of $5 you can help us keep going! Visit our website at
biteyourtonguepodcast.com
and select
SUPPORT US
. You can buy a "virtual" cup of coffee and support our work!
The information provided by Bite Your Tongue The Podcast (“we,” “us,” or “our'') or biteyourtonguepodcast.com (the “Site” and our mobile application is for general informational purposes only. All information on the SITE or on the Podcast is for general informational purposes only. All information on the SITE and PODCAST is provided in good faith, however we make no representation or warranty of any kind, expressed, or implied regarding the accuracy, adequacy, validity, reliability, availability or completeness of any information the SITE or the PODCAST. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHALL WE HAVE ANY LIABILITY TO YOU FOR ANY LOSS OR DAMAGE OF ANY KIND INCURRED AS A RESULT OF THE USE OF THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY GUESTS ON OUR PODCAST. YOUR USE OF THE SITE AND PODCAST AND YOUR RELIANCE ON ANY INFORMATION FROM THE SITE OUR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.
The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.
00:00 - Introduction to Mother's Day Special
02:26 - Bringing Joy to Adult Child Relationships
07:00 - Maintaining Connections From a Distance
13:45 - What Might Drive Your Children Crazy
19:37 - The Parenting Team: Spouses' Roles
24:55 - Navigating Weddings with Adult Children
36:15 - The Art of Offering Advice
43:11 - Wisdom on Grandparenting
48:45 - Final Thoughts and Mother's Day Wishes
WEBVTT
00:00:03.787 --> 00:00:06.533
I have to start off by saying my mom is my best friend.
00:00:06.533 --> 00:00:09.849
However, we could not be more different.
00:00:09.849 --> 00:00:16.971
She's the exuberant outgoing idea gal and I grew up loving to go along with her shenanigans.
00:00:16.971 --> 00:00:22.393
I would describe myself as a more quiet, introverted and loyal follower.
00:00:22.393 --> 00:00:34.362
However, when I became a mom, what I really liked is how my mom clearly accepted me as an adult, making my own choices and respecting how I would like to parent my child.
00:00:34.362 --> 00:00:36.927
I became the leader.
00:00:36.927 --> 00:00:38.491
She became the loyal follower.
00:00:41.240 --> 00:00:44.526
Welcome to the Mother's Day episode of the Bite your Tongue podcast.
00:00:44.526 --> 00:00:49.895
Today, we're celebrating mothers of adult children and we're adding a bit of surprise throughout the episode.
00:00:49.895 --> 00:00:55.031
Listen for messages interspersed throughout the episode from adult children to their parents.
00:00:55.031 --> 00:00:57.722
It should be fun, so let's get started.
00:00:57.722 --> 00:01:08.588
Welcome to the Mother's Day episode of Bite your Tongue.
00:01:08.588 --> 00:01:16.215
I guess Mother's Day should be one of those days we really don't have to bite our tongues, but I don't think that's the case Today.
00:01:16.215 --> 00:01:18.617
Ellen's unable to join me, so I'm on my own.
00:01:18.617 --> 00:01:19.816
Wish me luck.
00:01:20.739 --> 00:01:26.132
For our last few episodes, we've interviewed experts in different fields to talk about parenting adult children.
00:01:26.132 --> 00:01:31.171
Today, for Mother's Day, I want to celebrate two mothers I've admired for many years.
00:01:31.171 --> 00:01:36.191
They are real parents of adult children who I believe we all can learn from.
00:01:36.191 --> 00:01:40.650
I didn't realize when I thought of them that they both are parents of just girls.
00:01:40.650 --> 00:01:43.849
One is a parent of four girls and one is a parent of three.
00:01:43.849 --> 00:01:44.781
So let me introduce them.
00:01:44.781 --> 00:01:45.221
Welcome to Doria, a parent of three girls.
00:01:45.221 --> 00:01:45.409
One is a parent of four girls and one is a parent of three.
00:01:45.409 --> 00:01:45.484
So let me introduce them.
00:01:45.484 --> 00:01:48.388
Welcome to Doria, a parent of three girls.
00:01:48.388 --> 00:01:55.147
Doria was actually my children's preschool teacher many moons ago and also a parent educator.
00:01:55.147 --> 00:01:56.129
Welcome, doria.
00:01:56.990 --> 00:01:57.893
Thank you, Denise.
00:01:57.893 --> 00:02:00.084
I'm very honored to be here this morning.
00:02:01.106 --> 00:02:06.710
And welcome to Sharon, who is a mother of two girls and one set of twin girls, so four all together.
00:02:07.760 --> 00:02:10.067
Thanks, Denise, for asking me to participate.
00:02:10.067 --> 00:02:11.251
This is great.
00:02:12.080 --> 00:02:14.627
I'm so excited to have both of you with me today.
00:02:14.627 --> 00:02:16.752
So thanks for agreeing to do this.
00:02:16.752 --> 00:02:26.194
And I know both of you are laypeople, so just your life experiences is what I'm hoping you'll share and I think it will be valuable to all of our listeners.
00:02:26.194 --> 00:02:31.412
So the reason I selected both of you is because when I'm with you, I feel joy.
00:02:31.412 --> 00:02:35.146
I see joy in your lives, I see joy with your families.
00:02:35.146 --> 00:02:40.912
Both of you bring a spirit of fun and joy to every meeting, every party.
00:02:40.912 --> 00:02:48.689
Even when I'm just hanging out in your homes, I feel as though this happiness and fun builds a great relationship with your adult kids.
00:02:49.532 --> 00:03:01.387
If you agree, do you have any suggestions for our listeners who might not come by this happy spirit so easily, how they can more bring this joy when they're visiting or with their adult children?
00:03:01.387 --> 00:03:12.734
Literally, when I go visit my adult kids, I always think of both of you and I ask myself or say to myself be positive, denise, be happy, denise, bring joy, Denise.
00:03:12.734 --> 00:03:14.788
Don't ask too many questions, denise.
00:03:14.788 --> 00:03:21.544
So I just want to hear from both of you and you can just take turns how you bring this joy to every situation you're in.
00:03:21.544 --> 00:03:23.947
Don't be shy, go ahead, doria, you go first.
00:03:24.968 --> 00:03:28.152
Well, parenting young children can be tough.
00:03:28.152 --> 00:03:53.473
I think that in my family we always tried to bring a little humor, lots of enthusiasm to get over the tense times, and the main thing was that we wanted our kids to feel safe and valued, but we also wanted to have fun, and I think that that kind of spirit carries through even into adult children.
00:03:54.641 --> 00:03:55.664
Sharon how about you?
00:03:55.664 --> 00:04:05.675
I agree, I like to think our default position as a family is to have fun and laugh and eat together a lot.
00:04:05.675 --> 00:04:33.673
We spent a lot of time playing games, doing crafts, outdoor activities, and everybody was able to be involved at whatever level they were capable of, and this led to a lot of spilled glitter, a cardboard town on our front porch, all sorts of things that bring us back to not so much the messes we made or seeing them as messes, but how much fun we had doing them together.
00:04:34.360 --> 00:04:44.028
But for someone like me, I bring more seriousness to situations and I'm always thinking about what I need to do and what questions I need to ask.
00:04:44.028 --> 00:04:47.043
How can I bring more joy to the situation?
00:04:47.043 --> 00:04:51.802
Do I talk to my kids beforehand about planning games, trying to bring that fun?
00:04:51.802 --> 00:04:57.923
Because it's true, when we do do games and puzzles and fun and laugh, it does make things more joyful.
00:04:57.923 --> 00:04:58.906
What do you think?
00:04:59.608 --> 00:05:16.175
Well, I think you have to be present, and I know that sounds a bit trite sometimes, but really being present at this moment with your kids is the key, Because we all know you close your eyes and the next thing you know they are young adults.
00:05:16.175 --> 00:05:28.845
Day the dirty dishes will last, you know they'll still be there and just enjoy this moment, and it's not easy, you know.
00:05:28.845 --> 00:05:33.641
Trying to have that feeling and that spirit, I think, is the most important thing.
00:05:34.281 --> 00:05:53.411
Yeah, you know, especially with the, with younger children, and lots and lots of hugs, lots and lots of encouragement in maybe not even the spoken word, but hugs and clapping and holding hands and that kind of thing, it still holds true.
00:05:53.411 --> 00:05:56.444
As adults too, they need hugs, we need hugs.
00:05:56.444 --> 00:05:58.569
They need, you know, a smile.
00:05:58.569 --> 00:06:02.608
We all need smiles these days because of the masks we're wearing so much.
00:06:02.608 --> 00:06:06.161
Those are the kinds of things that are really.
00:06:06.161 --> 00:06:11.740
They translate throughout our relationship and the times that we have together, you know.
00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:12.942
Sharon.
00:06:12.942 --> 00:06:21.447
We have girls, and it might be different, denise, but I pull my girls onto my lap every time I see them because they're always your children.
00:06:21.447 --> 00:06:29.329
And you know, sometimes there's giggles and, but they love it, even though most of and you know, sometimes there's giggles and, but they love it, even though most of them all three of them are bigger than me.
00:06:29.329 --> 00:06:38.583
But pulling them onto your lap and just confirming that strong loving bond that you have is never gets old.
00:06:38.964 --> 00:06:47.805
I think that's really special, dori, and I think you're really fortunate because you at least have two of them with you in Denver and Sharon has one.
00:06:47.805 --> 00:06:50.350
So both of you are lucky at least to have some of them around.
00:06:50.350 --> 00:06:51.560
I'm not so fortunate.
00:06:51.560 --> 00:06:52.985
Let's move on now.
00:06:53.406 --> 00:06:58.425
Now, when your kids are young and they are living with you, we're entwined in their lives.
00:06:58.425 --> 00:07:05.440
But once they begin living on their own, they begin to have families or significant others of their own, or they move away.
00:07:05.440 --> 00:07:10.959
It becomes harder and harder to feel engaged in their life without feeling intrusive.
00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:20.005
Do you have any advice on how to create that bond if you can't pull them onto your lap or you can't just have them over for an afternoon to make dinner?
00:07:20.005 --> 00:07:22.451
Every visit with them is a formal affair.
00:07:22.451 --> 00:07:27.586
You're flying to see them, they're flying to see you, other than your chats on the phone.
00:07:27.586 --> 00:07:38.526
So sometimes, when I'm excited to see them, I think everything I need to ask them that I haven't asked them for so long, and then it starts into a question session and I try to avoid that.
00:07:38.526 --> 00:07:42.334
So how do you keep that bond alive, even when you're far apart?
00:07:47.560 --> 00:07:48.401
bond alive even when you're far apart.
00:07:48.401 --> 00:07:51.348
Well before COVID, we purposefully organized things together trips, especially holidays.
00:07:51.348 --> 00:08:06.713
We now, with different families involved, with husbands, families and that sort of things, we try to work around at least one of the major holidays all together, but I still, you know, just send them little packages.
00:08:06.713 --> 00:08:18.870
And Chinese New Year is really important to me, so they always get something at Chinese New Year or Easter or even Thanksgiving and definitely their birthdays.
00:08:18.870 --> 00:08:25.372
So it's just something that keeps us connected and organizing something so we can look forward to being together.
00:08:25.372 --> 00:08:26.665
That's one of the things we do.
00:08:27.141 --> 00:08:33.230
You know, I have to say God bless WhatsApp because I have a.
00:08:33.230 --> 00:08:34.953
We all remember well.
00:08:34.953 --> 00:08:40.952
I remember the days when phone calls were so expensive and they were such a hard thing to do.
00:08:40.952 --> 00:08:48.765
But I have a daughter who's been living in Europe for the past almost five years and we honestly talk every day.
00:08:48.765 --> 00:08:51.370
We just touch base with each other.
00:08:51.370 --> 00:08:53.561
We've memorized each other's schedules.
00:08:53.561 --> 00:08:57.649
I know what's going on with her, she knows what's going on with me.
00:08:57.649 --> 00:08:59.173
We feel so close.
00:08:59.700 --> 00:09:20.342
Our family also has a running WhatsApp account that everyone comments on, sends pictures on, and so, although she lives so very far away, I feel like our connection is so relevant and so close, even though we've got those miles between us and my other two girls.
00:09:20.342 --> 00:09:23.892
I don't know if this is normal or not, but we talk every day too.
00:09:23.892 --> 00:09:25.104
How's your day?
00:09:25.104 --> 00:09:26.023
How are you feeling?
00:09:26.023 --> 00:09:27.047
What'd you wear today?
00:09:27.047 --> 00:09:27.710
What'd you do?
00:09:27.710 --> 00:09:28.131
You know?
00:09:28.131 --> 00:09:31.984
Just silly stuff, but we just have that close, close connection.
00:09:31.984 --> 00:09:45.269
It's always been that way and I I was that way with my mother, so I can see that continuing with us and that way, there's no, there's no big breaks in in our relationship.
00:09:45.269 --> 00:09:47.587
So, like I said, god bless WhatsApp.
00:09:49.922 --> 00:09:50.866
How about you, sharon?
00:09:50.866 --> 00:09:52.785
I feel exactly the same.
00:09:52.785 --> 00:09:53.825
It goes both ways.
00:09:53.825 --> 00:09:58.360
We really are so interested in each other's lives.
00:09:58.360 --> 00:10:01.408
We're so happy or sad.
00:10:01.408 --> 00:10:06.370
When we're all happy or sad, we have this fam thread that gets a comment every day.
00:10:06.370 --> 00:10:29.092
We speak all the time together and my daughter with our first grandchild, has been so generous and calls every morning with the baby so that she recognizes our faces, and it's really a lovely, lovely thing, and we are so thrilled about the ability to do that digitally.
00:10:29.354 --> 00:10:45.821
Really, young adults.
00:10:45.821 --> 00:10:47.865
Now you're talking to someone who really doesn't have that close connection with their child.
00:10:47.865 --> 00:10:48.326
They're connected.
00:10:48.326 --> 00:10:50.051
They speak maybe once a week, once every two weeks.
00:10:50.051 --> 00:10:55.129
They love each other very, very much but would like to, you know, increase that bond.
00:10:55.129 --> 00:11:04.332
What sorts of you know, ideas or talking points or things they can bring up that don't sound judgmental or questioning or intrusive?
00:11:04.332 --> 00:11:06.722
That may open the door for some of these parents.
00:11:07.504 --> 00:11:30.004
I have to admit it starts early and one of the things that my girls and my husband and I have talked about is how we prioritized eating as many meals, or especially dinner, together and those times that were prescribed and expected always always allowed for conversation.
00:11:30.004 --> 00:11:37.008
And because of the things that we were involved with in our work and in our volunteer lives, my husband and I we brought up tab.
00:11:37.008 --> 00:11:51.471
You know subject matter that may have been, may have been uncomfortable or taboo in other places, but we really were able to talk to them at relatively young ages about different things and they appreciate that now very much.
00:11:51.471 --> 00:11:59.201
And that's some of the starting blocks for when you're together, where everybody gets asked how their day was.
00:11:59.201 --> 00:12:00.424
What was the best part?
00:12:00.424 --> 00:12:01.506
What was the worst part?
00:12:01.506 --> 00:12:05.445
Is there anything special or sad that they wanted to share?
00:12:05.445 --> 00:12:09.648
And that was really the seeds for where we are now.
00:12:10.109 --> 00:12:11.071
I agree, Sharon.
00:12:11.071 --> 00:12:23.807
I love where you said what was the happiest or saddest part that you'd like to share, and saying that with a nonjudgmental tone and a really interested and empathetic tone or excited tone for the happy part, Go ahead.
00:12:23.846 --> 00:12:24.207
Doria.
00:12:24.207 --> 00:12:29.714
Oh, I just want to say my family is Greek and food is everything.
00:12:29.714 --> 00:12:48.062
So it was exactly the same thing in our house Lots of conversation, lots of discussion, lots of fun, but also lots of serious things were discussed at the dinner table, and food is still unimportant, I have to tell you.
00:12:48.062 --> 00:12:54.722
My one daughter calls me and she says Mom, can you walk me through how to make your salad dressing?
00:12:54.722 --> 00:13:00.884
So we're on the phone, talking about food, talking about things, and we're making salad dressing together.
00:13:00.884 --> 00:13:03.410
Or I even know two of my daughters.
00:13:03.410 --> 00:13:07.139
They cook together during the pandemic.
00:13:07.139 --> 00:13:28.125
So really finding those little minutiae of life that is so important it doesn't have to be big major topics about how's that job going and are you able to pay your bills or things like that, although those are important but also just the little things how are you feeling today?
00:13:28.125 --> 00:13:30.668
And with girls are like mom, what are you wearing?
00:13:30.668 --> 00:13:44.573
So just touching base and we're all alive right now and just make the moment special, even if it's a two minute phone call, make it happy and special.
00:13:45.080 --> 00:13:45.861
I really love that.
00:13:45.861 --> 00:13:46.464
I love that.
00:13:46.464 --> 00:13:56.263
Okay, so we've talked about so many positive things, but if you had to guess, what are the things about you that might drive your young adult children crazy?
00:13:58.708 --> 00:13:59.611
How long do we have?
00:14:13.759 --> 00:14:21.715
so I started realizing when I was becoming an adult and a more capable human being that we as kids see our parents as adults so much faster than our parents see us as adults.
00:14:26.299 --> 00:14:26.961
Our parents see us as adults.
00:14:26.961 --> 00:14:30.989
And that misalignment can be really annoying, because I think becoming an adult is a lot of fun.
00:14:30.989 --> 00:14:44.787
You know, you're figuring out how to do things, you're not having to ask questions of your parents all the time and yet at the same time your parents are giving you advice all the time.
00:14:44.787 --> 00:14:59.446
So I think really the things that might bother me about my parents sometimes is when they're being so well-intentioned but they might be treating me like I'm maybe a decade younger.
00:14:59.446 --> 00:15:05.796
You know, checking in on have I brought my car for an oil change?
00:15:05.796 --> 00:15:08.067
Have I done my taxes?
00:15:08.067 --> 00:15:10.106
How are finances going?
00:15:10.106 --> 00:15:20.664
You know things that it's just they have a hard time seeing us kids as adults and maybe not needing them as much.
00:15:20.664 --> 00:15:23.904
So that drives me crazy.
00:15:23.904 --> 00:15:32.850
But really what bothers me the most is when it turns out they do in fact still know more than me on a lot of things.
00:15:38.461 --> 00:15:41.910
Well, I have to say it's different for each child.
00:15:41.910 --> 00:15:57.947
It's different for each child because I could ask the most you know innocuous little question of one child and then another one would take, you know, umbrage with it, but I think it.
00:15:57.947 --> 00:16:04.528
You know, I definitely could come up with things that would irritate each child and I really try not to go there.
00:16:04.528 --> 00:16:17.822
It mostly has to do with personality differences and you know, my kids tell me they admire my strength and things that have happened in my life, some losses and things like that.
00:16:17.822 --> 00:16:34.552
So we I feel like we know each other well enough to not try to go there, although if there is something big I feel like there's no subject that is taboo that we could talk about it.
00:16:34.552 --> 00:16:39.793
But yes, you kind of have to read the room and read the kid Interesting.
00:16:39.860 --> 00:16:41.304
That's a good, that's really good.
00:16:41.304 --> 00:16:42.870
Yep, how about you, sharon?
00:16:45.380 --> 00:17:06.707
I'm going to go with what they admire about me first, okay, but they know I've got opinions, but they appreciate the fact that I've evolved and we've come to a really healthy place for many opinions and a willingness to talk about all sorts of things.
00:17:07.348 --> 00:17:34.497
But I would think I actually, in part of this discourse that we have in conversation, one of the things that has driven them crazy and that we've talked about and that they've grown from and I've grown from, is I was raised in a culture where being nice was everything being being um, oh, I don't always.
00:17:34.497 --> 00:17:42.247
I don't want to say submissive exactly, but but definitely not on this planet to offend anyone, right.
00:17:42.247 --> 00:18:02.213
And I think what they've taught me from some of the frustration of that education at home was that they actually, not only being biracial but also being women, their voice counts a lot outside our home.
00:18:02.213 --> 00:18:32.412
It counts tons in our home, but outside I really wanted them to be the example of the way I was raised, guess, but it is something that I know annoys them periodically when I'm saying, oh, were you nice.
00:18:37.712 --> 00:18:41.799
And I want to make a note that Sharon is a first generation Chinese American.
00:18:41.799 --> 00:18:43.648
Right, sharon, is that right, yeah, yeah.
00:18:43.648 --> 00:18:47.537
So, um, we have two very ethnic ladies with me today.
00:18:49.121 --> 00:18:50.443
Um, so it's been.
00:18:50.443 --> 00:19:00.270
It's been interesting to to be so proud of them finding their own voices and yet at the same time, going wait, is that, was that too aggressive?
00:19:00.270 --> 00:19:11.704
And they'll say, no, that's how I got my raise, or that's how I got my job and I'm good at it, or I'm funny, and those are not things I would say for myself.
00:19:11.704 --> 00:19:21.460
So the whole thing in terms of annoyance is a compliment to the way that they've come through this.
00:19:21.460 --> 00:19:27.289
They've been very nice to me about it, thank goodness.
00:19:29.326 --> 00:19:30.131
But it doesn't matter.
00:19:30.131 --> 00:19:32.189
That makes perfect sense.
00:19:32.189 --> 00:19:32.991
That's a really.
00:19:32.991 --> 00:19:34.496
That's wonderful, Sharon, Thank you.
00:19:34.496 --> 00:19:37.951
What role do your spouses play, Dori?
00:19:37.951 --> 00:19:39.895
I'll move to you, since Sharon just finished.
00:19:39.895 --> 00:19:43.691
It's a team effort that keeps these relationships healthy, I assume.
00:19:43.691 --> 00:19:46.034
So what role does your spouse play?
00:19:46.034 --> 00:19:56.506
I happen to know Doria's spouse quite well and think of him as a big kid, but I'd like to know from you, Doria, what role your spouse plays Well.
00:19:56.925 --> 00:20:07.487
I believe the best way to put that is that my husband, my girl's father and I share a lot of the same values.
00:20:07.487 --> 00:20:15.987
We, you know, we both have the same moral compasses and that we've tried to, you know, pass along to our kids.
00:20:15.987 --> 00:20:18.950
But that's where the likeness ends.
00:20:18.950 --> 00:20:23.214
We are, we are completely different people.
00:20:23.214 --> 00:20:26.117
We have completely different passions.
00:20:26.117 --> 00:20:35.886
He's the fun one taking them out, doing all these fun things that, gosh, let's jump out of an airplane, let's go do this and that.
00:20:35.886 --> 00:20:43.594
And I'm the one saying, you know, I wonder if we pulled our cover over this way, if it would make our bed look nicer when we made it.
00:20:43.594 --> 00:20:52.972
So the way these kids have grown up has been very diverse, but I do believe that it worked and they're very close to their dad.
00:20:52.972 --> 00:20:59.377
I'm very blessed to have had a partner that was truly 50-50 in the raising of my kids.
00:20:59.377 --> 00:21:01.592
So that's my story.
00:21:03.165 --> 00:21:03.827
And Sharon.
00:21:04.148 --> 00:21:06.997
I feel just as fortunate I really do.
00:21:06.997 --> 00:21:12.354
He is a model of hard work, as we both are in our own ways.
00:21:12.354 --> 00:21:14.077
He loves his girls.
00:21:14.077 --> 00:21:16.406
There's no, there's just no question.
00:21:16.406 --> 00:21:20.451
He's calmer than I am, much calmer than I am.
00:21:20.451 --> 00:21:27.185
I sort of established the crafting and studying and dance and play at home.
00:21:27.185 --> 00:21:35.228
I coached their soccer team, so it was a little serious tone there even though we were running around and having a lot of fun.
00:21:35.228 --> 00:21:43.472
But my teammate has been taught them to bicycle, to play tennis and did the whole skiing thing.
00:21:43.472 --> 00:21:46.768
Especially important was he taught them how to drive.
00:21:46.768 --> 00:21:56.192
That's where the calm was, because that would not have been good, because I still clench when he's driving.
00:21:56.192 --> 00:22:02.509
So you're kind of getting the idea of how the divisions of some of the work went.
00:22:02.509 --> 00:22:14.729
But we definitely were a team and only a couple of times pretty substantial, maybe like a piercing, did somebody get away with pitting us against one another, as it were.
00:22:14.729 --> 00:22:19.673
So, other than that, I feel exactly the same way, doria.
00:22:19.673 --> 00:22:21.817
We were really fortunate to have roommates.
00:22:31.984 --> 00:22:37.137
So my mom does a lot of things super well, but one thing that I'm very grateful for is how interested she always is in the things I'm most passionate about.
00:22:37.137 --> 00:22:46.319
She's always willing to dive deep and get very technical in topics that I know she really doesn't have much of a background or understanding in.
00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:56.559
But she's really good at asking questions and, you know, allowing me to just converse with her about the things I care deeply for.
00:22:56.559 --> 00:23:09.457
You know, I think this is a rarity in the world and it's something really special when you're able to share that connection with your mom, and she's always been a superstar at cultivating that sort of relationship.
00:23:13.926 --> 00:23:15.953
Do the spouses ask the tougher questions?
00:23:17.346 --> 00:23:23.078
I think Tom was always a little wary of girl issues.
00:23:23.078 --> 00:23:24.529
He would run it by me.
00:23:24.529 --> 00:23:40.854
But you know, as far as things like their finances or figuring out when their tires need to be rotated or things like that, he was always the one that they turned to for that.
00:23:40.854 --> 00:24:12.195
But no, I think I got the tough questions and I think when you come out of a generation being raised by parents that were raised by Europeans and a traditional family, my kids ask me and talk to me about everything, whether or not I'm ready for it, very open and I have to admit sometimes that's hard.
00:24:12.195 --> 00:24:19.473
I have to make sure that I am moving with the times but true to myself and being authentic.
00:24:19.473 --> 00:24:22.974
So I think I get the tougher questions for sure.
00:24:25.125 --> 00:24:26.969
I completely agree, doria.
00:24:26.969 --> 00:24:42.873
I really feel like I've gotten the tougher questions, and one part that I've made a conscious effort of is to be sure and share those with my husband at times, so that he's not completely blindsided by not understanding what they're upset about.
00:24:42.873 --> 00:24:53.727
We've had a couple of those incidences where he doesn't care about anything and I said, oh my gosh, he doesn't know anything.
00:24:53.727 --> 00:25:00.849
That's one thing that I do recommend sharing with spouses, teammates.
00:25:00.849 --> 00:25:05.913
Parenting is information, and communication still is the key.
00:25:06.472 --> 00:25:10.836
But if you're asked to keep it confidential, do you I?
00:25:11.276 --> 00:25:13.517
usually use some judgment there.
00:25:13.517 --> 00:25:24.343
You know, I can trust my husband if I tell him not to tell him, not to mention it to the girls, but sometimes I feel like he needs to be in the loop a little bit.
00:25:24.343 --> 00:25:35.251
So and they probably know I tell them Right, right, right, Sometimes it's you tell dad, mom, I can't tell them Quite honestly.
00:25:35.291 --> 00:25:37.617
the answer to that is I'm not asked that that much.
00:25:39.865 --> 00:25:40.847
Oh, that's so funny.
00:25:40.847 --> 00:25:48.730
Both of you have had harmonious and warm, open relationships with your mothers and I've watched those relationships.
00:25:48.730 --> 00:25:50.295
I feel like I've been privy to them.
00:25:50.295 --> 00:25:55.955
What do you think you learned from your mother that makes you a better parent of an adult child?
00:25:55.955 --> 00:25:58.125
Sharon, you start this time.
00:25:59.509 --> 00:26:06.160
She was 45 years old and left with six children to raise alone after my father passed away.
00:26:06.160 --> 00:26:22.218
She had kids aged 21 to 20 months and he just exuded kindness and dignity in everything that that she did, and I am forever grateful for that.
00:26:22.218 --> 00:26:29.929
She just has this strength of will to make life good.
00:26:29.929 --> 00:26:45.880
The life experience that she's had is unbelievable from her war experiences to moving to a new country, to having all of these kids and having her spouse die my beloved father.
00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:51.753
But she is one of the most positive people you'll ever meet.
00:00:03.787 --> 00:00:06.533
00:00:06.533 --> 00:00:09.849
00:00:09.849 --> 00:00:16.971
00:00:16.971 --> 00:00:22.393
00:00:22.393 --> 00:00:34.362
00:00:34.362 --> 00:00:36.927
00:00:36.927 --> 00:00:38.491
00:00:41.240 --> 00:00:44.526
00:00:44.526 --> 00:00:49.895
00:00:49.895 --> 00:00:55.031
00:00:55.031 --> 00:00:57.722
00:00:57.722 --> 00:01:08.588
00:01:08.588 --> 00:01:16.215
00:01:16.215 --> 00:01:18.617
00:01:18.617 --> 00:01:19.816
00:01:20.739 --> 00:01:26.132
00:01:26.132 --> 00:01:31.171
00:01:31.171 --> 00:01:36.191
00:01:36.191 --> 00:01:40.650
00:01:40.650 --> 00:01:43.849
00:01:43.849 --> 00:01:44.781
00:01:44.781 --> 00:01:45.221
00:01:45.221 --> 00:01:45.409
00:01:45.409 --> 00:01:45.484
00:01:45.484 --> 00:01:48.388
00:01:48.388 --> 00:01:55.147
00:01:55.147 --> 00:01:56.129
00:01:56.990 --> 00:01:57.893
00:01:57.893 --> 00:02:00.084
00:02:01.106 --> 00:02:06.710
00:02:07.760 --> 00:02:10.067
00:02:10.067 --> 00:02:11.251
00:02:12.080 --> 00:02:14.627
00:02:14.627 --> 00:02:16.752
00:02:16.752 --> 00:02:26.194
00:02:26.194 --> 00:02:31.412
00:02:31.412 --> 00:02:35.146
00:02:35.146 --> 00:02:40.912
00:02:40.912 --> 00:02:48.689
00:02:49.532 --> 00:03:01.387
00:03:01.387 --> 00:03:12.734
00:03:12.734 --> 00:03:14.788
00:03:14.788 --> 00:03:21.544
00:03:21.544 --> 00:03:23.947
00:03:24.968 --> 00:03:28.152
00:03:28.152 --> 00:03:53.473
00:03:54.641 --> 00:03:55.664
00:03:55.664 --> 00:04:05.675
00:04:05.675 --> 00:04:33.673
00:04:34.360 --> 00:04:44.028
00:04:44.028 --> 00:04:47.043
00:04:47.043 --> 00:04:51.802
00:04:51.802 --> 00:04:57.923
00:04:57.923 --> 00:04:58.906
00:04:59.608 --> 00:05:16.175
00:05:16.175 --> 00:05:28.845
00:05:28.845 --> 00:05:33.641
00:05:34.281 --> 00:05:53.411
00:05:53.411 --> 00:05:56.444
00:05:56.444 --> 00:05:58.569
00:05:58.569 --> 00:06:02.608
00:06:02.608 --> 00:06:06.161
00:06:06.161 --> 00:06:11.740
00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:12.942
00:06:12.942 --> 00:06:21.447
00:06:21.447 --> 00:06:29.329
00:06:29.329 --> 00:06:38.583
00:06:38.964 --> 00:06:47.805
00:06:47.805 --> 00:06:50.350
00:06:50.350 --> 00:06:51.560
00:06:51.560 --> 00:06:52.985
00:06:53.406 --> 00:06:58.425
00:06:58.425 --> 00:07:05.440
00:07:05.440 --> 00:07:10.959
00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:20.005
00:07:20.005 --> 00:07:22.451
00:07:22.451 --> 00:07:27.586
00:07:27.586 --> 00:07:38.526
00:07:38.526 --> 00:07:42.334
00:07:47.560 --> 00:07:48.401
00:07:48.401 --> 00:07:51.348
00:07:51.348 --> 00:08:06.713
00:08:06.713 --> 00:08:18.870
00:08:18.870 --> 00:08:25.372
00:08:25.372 --> 00:08:26.665
00:08:27.141 --> 00:08:33.230
00:08:33.230 --> 00:08:34.953
00:08:34.953 --> 00:08:40.952
00:08:40.952 --> 00:08:48.765
00:08:48.765 --> 00:08:51.370
00:08:51.370 --> 00:08:53.561
00:08:53.561 --> 00:08:57.649
00:08:57.649 --> 00:08:59.173
00:08:59.700 --> 00:09:20.342
00:09:20.342 --> 00:09:23.892
00:09:23.892 --> 00:09:25.104
00:09:25.104 --> 00:09:26.023
00:09:26.023 --> 00:09:27.047
00:09:27.047 --> 00:09:27.710
00:09:27.710 --> 00:09:28.131
00:09:28.131 --> 00:09:31.984
00:09:31.984 --> 00:09:45.269
00:09:45.269 --> 00:09:47.587
00:09:49.922 --> 00:09:50.866
00:09:50.866 --> 00:09:52.785
00:09:52.785 --> 00:09:53.825
00:09:53.825 --> 00:09:58.360
00:09:58.360 --> 00:10:01.408
00:10:01.408 --> 00:10:06.370
00:10:06.370 --> 00:10:29.092
00:10:29.354 --> 00:10:45.821
00:10:45.821 --> 00:10:47.865
00:10:47.865 --> 00:10:48.326
00:10:48.326 --> 00:10:50.051
00:10:50.051 --> 00:10:55.129
00:10:55.129 --> 00:11:04.332
00:11:04.332 --> 00:11:06.722
00:11:07.504 --> 00:11:30.004
00:11:30.004 --> 00:11:37.008
00:11:37.008 --> 00:11:51.471
00:11:51.471 --> 00:11:59.201
00:11:59.201 --> 00:12:00.424
00:12:00.424 --> 00:12:01.506
00:12:01.506 --> 00:12:05.445
00:12:05.445 --> 00:12:09.648
00:12:10.109 --> 00:12:11.071
00:12:11.071 --> 00:12:23.807
00:12:23.846 --> 00:12:24.207
00:12:24.207 --> 00:12:29.714
00:12:29.714 --> 00:12:48.062
00:12:48.062 --> 00:12:54.722
00:12:54.722 --> 00:13:00.884
00:13:00.884 --> 00:13:03.410
00:13:03.410 --> 00:13:07.139
00:13:07.139 --> 00:13:28.125
00:13:28.125 --> 00:13:30.668
00:13:30.668 --> 00:13:44.573
00:13:45.080 --> 00:13:45.861
00:13:45.861 --> 00:13:46.464
00:13:46.464 --> 00:13:56.263
00:13:58.708 --> 00:13:59.611
00:14:13.759 --> 00:14:21.715
00:14:26.299 --> 00:14:26.961
00:14:26.961 --> 00:14:30.989
00:14:30.989 --> 00:14:44.787
00:14:44.787 --> 00:14:59.446
00:14:59.446 --> 00:15:05.796
00:15:05.796 --> 00:15:08.067
00:15:08.067 --> 00:15:10.106
00:15:10.106 --> 00:15:20.664
00:15:20.664 --> 00:15:23.904
00:15:23.904 --> 00:15:32.850
00:15:38.461 --> 00:15:41.910
00:15:41.910 --> 00:15:57.947
00:15:57.947 --> 00:16:04.528
00:16:04.528 --> 00:16:17.822
00:16:17.822 --> 00:16:34.552
00:16:34.552 --> 00:16:39.793
00:16:39.860 --> 00:16:41.304
00:16:41.304 --> 00:16:42.870
00:16:45.380 --> 00:17:06.707
00:17:07.348 --> 00:17:34.497
00:17:34.497 --> 00:17:42.247
00:17:42.247 --> 00:18:02.213
00:18:02.213 --> 00:18:32.412
00:18:37.712 --> 00:18:41.799
00:18:41.799 --> 00:18:43.648
00:18:43.648 --> 00:18:47.537
00:18:49.121 --> 00:18:50.443
00:18:50.443 --> 00:19:00.270
00:19:00.270 --> 00:19:11.704
00:19:11.704 --> 00:19:21.460
00:19:21.460 --> 00:19:27.289
00:19:29.326 --> 00:19:30.131
00:19:30.131 --> 00:19:32.189
00:19:32.189 --> 00:19:32.991
00:19:32.991 --> 00:19:34.496
00:19:34.496 --> 00:19:37.951
00:19:37.951 --> 00:19:39.895
00:19:39.895 --> 00:19:43.691
00:19:43.691 --> 00:19:46.034
00:19:46.034 --> 00:19:56.506
00:19:56.925 --> 00:20:07.487
00:20:07.487 --> 00:20:15.987
00:20:15.987 --> 00:20:18.950
00:20:18.950 --> 00:20:23.214
00:20:23.214 --> 00:20:26.117
00:20:26.117 --> 00:20:35.886
00:20:35.886 --> 00:20:43.594
00:20:43.594 --> 00:20:52.972
00:20:52.972 --> 00:20:59.377
00:20:59.377 --> 00:21:01.592
00:21:03.165 --> 00:21:03.827
00:21:04.148 --> 00:21:06.997
00:21:06.997 --> 00:21:12.354
00:21:12.354 --> 00:21:14.077
00:21:14.077 --> 00:21:16.406
00:21:16.406 --> 00:21:20.451
00:21:20.451 --> 00:21:27.185
00:21:27.185 --> 00:21:35.228
00:21:35.228 --> 00:21:43.472
00:21:43.472 --> 00:21:46.768
00:21:46.768 --> 00:21:56.192
00:21:56.192 --> 00:22:02.509
00:22:02.509 --> 00:22:14.729
00:22:14.729 --> 00:22:19.673
00:22:19.673 --> 00:22:21.817
00:22:31.984 --> 00:22:37.137
00:22:37.137 --> 00:22:46.319
00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:56.559
00:22:56.559 --> 00:23:09.457
00:23:13.926 --> 00:23:15.953
00:23:17.346 --> 00:23:23.078
00:23:23.078 --> 00:23:24.529
00:23:24.529 --> 00:23:40.854
00:23:40.854 --> 00:24:12.195
00:24:12.195 --> 00:24:19.473
00:24:19.473 --> 00:24:22.974
00:24:25.125 --> 00:24:26.969
00:24:26.969 --> 00:24:42.873
00:24:42.873 --> 00:24:53.727
00:24:53.727 --> 00:25:00.849
00:25:00.849 --> 00:25:05.913
00:25:06.472 --> 00:25:10.836
00:25:11.276 --> 00:25:13.517
00:25:13.517 --> 00:25:24.343
00:25:24.343 --> 00:25:35.251
00:25:35.291 --> 00:25:37.617
00:25:39.865 --> 00:25:40.847
00:25:40.847 --> 00:25:48.730
00:25:48.730 --> 00:25:50.295
00:25:50.295 --> 00:25:55.955
00:25:55.955 --> 00:25:58.125
00:25:59.509 --> 00:26:06.160
00:26:06.160 --> 00:26:22.218
00:26:22.218 --> 00:26:29.929
00:26:29.929 --> 00:26:45.880
00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:51.753