Do We Really Know Our Adult Children? A Shift to Curiosity
Some conversations are worth revisiting. As we prepared to re-release this conversation with therapist Rachel Haack, I listened to it again for the first time in several years. I thought I knew exactly what Rachel was going to say. After all, I was the one asking the questions. But that's the gift of listening again. Sometimes the conversation hasn't changed at all—you have. This time, Rachel's insights on defensiveness, curiosity, perfection, and the evolving relationship between parents and...
Some conversations are worth revisiting.
As we prepared to re-release this conversation with therapist Rachel Haack, I listened to it again for the first time in several years. I thought I knew exactly what Rachel was going to say. After all, I was the one asking the questions.
But that's the gift of listening again. Sometimes the conversation hasn't changed at all—you have.
This time, Rachel's insights on defensiveness, curiosity, perfection, and the evolving relationship between parents and their adult children landed in a completely different way. I found myself reflecting not only on my parenting, but on how much I've grown since we first recorded this episode.
Whether you're hearing this conversation for the first time or listening again alongside me, I hope you'll discover something new, too.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Why defensiveness is one of the biggest barriers to healthy conversations with our adult children.
- How choosing curiosity over certainty can transform difficult discussions.
- What it really means to know your adult child as the person they are today—not just the child you raised.
- Why asking, "I know I have blind spots. Would you help point them out to me?" can deepen trust and connection.
- The changing role of parents as adult children build lives, relationships, and families of their own.
- Rachel's compassionate perspective on mothers-in-law, shifting family roles, and the grief that can accompany those transitions.
- Why perfection is an impossible goal—and why embracing life's complexities leads to healthier family relationships.
The wisdom behind Rachel's grandfather's saying: "Those who know the most know to say the least."
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And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.
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